These are the endearments of my two angels: ages 9 and 12. I keep reminding myself that they do love each other. But this is not what I had imagined. It is not family harmony. Of course, I was raised as an only child, so what do I really know about sibling relationships.
As a distraction, I try to poke some humor at the two of them, suggesting that since I have two idiots as children, I should write a book called "Parents Guide to Raising Idiots".
This is sarcasm. It is one thing I am good at. It has been passed down from generation to generation from a long line of really sarcastic people. So you can see why I wear it as a badge of honor.
My husband doesn't like sarcasm especially when it is directed at him. He has suggested that, since I am gifted in this area, I could offer workshops on the topic of sarcasm. He even suggested a few workshop titles:
"Sarcasm Basics"
"Sarcasm for Every Occasion"
"Sarcasm for the Learning Challenged".
Sadly, sarcasm is not a recommended parenting method so I should really stop. I am trying, but old habits die hard.
Distraction, however, is a well respected and highly recommended parenting technique. It works well when combined with humor so in this case sarcasm was successful. YES! All three of us idiots began laughing and that is a good thing.
So in case you are not gifted with the sarcasm gene, here is a tried and true list of other things you can do when your kids are fighting:
- Use Humor.
- Sing.
- Start talking with an accent.
- Talk really, really soft.
- Distract them with something that is happening right now, like an antique car driving down the street.
- Give each one equal time to explain what they are upset about but don't take sides or make judgements of either child.
- Challenge them to see if they can find a solution that makes every one happy then reward both of them for going along with it.
- Even though many parents swear by this, don't give lots of undue sympathy to the wounded child. Chances are "the wounded one" added his or her part to the problem and if you don't want more "wounded child" moments, don't give lots of attention to it.
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6 comments:
Thanks for bringing these important issues with humor and wit. I will be waiting for more.
Great advice! Thanks for sharing this helpful perspective. Keep 'em coming . . .
You might not be the only sarcasm-gifted parent in your household. Since your husband was able to come up with those snappy workshop titles, does he, too, possess your gift??
Before their births, I too was anticipating the arrival of my beautiful angels, who always got along, always smiled and laughed, and said sweet things to their wonderful mother. Like most moms, I also found out this is not reality! Thanks for sharing.
When my 2 older children were born (now 7 and 11), I hoped so desperately that they would be the best of friends. Unfortunately they are polar opposites and at each others throats constantly. I have used some of your suggestions prior. But am looking forward to try anything new. I too am sarcastic, so much that when my daughter was 4 she could tell me I was being sarcastic.
Well, hey maybe by the time my 2 younger kids (5 and 2) get to this stage I will be a "PERFECT" mom.
Hey TreneceL, I too have "polar opposite" children. One is an introvert, the other is an extrovert. Much of what I have been trying do lately is be an interpreter of sorts; explaining to each of them why the other acts "that way". This has helped a bit in those repeated difficult times like when the extrovert wants to talk a mile a minute and the introvert wants silence. Good Luck!
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