Parenting Lessons Learned "The Hard Way" - Sleep

I have spent a lot of time obsessing about parenting lately, and although it is driving me crazy, it has resulted in a few thoughts. I have been accused of being stubborn and that may be why I had to learn these lessons the hard way.

Arguing with a child who won't go to sleep rarely makes them go to sleep. Logical on the surface, this one eluded me for years. Arguing, yelling, gnashing of teeth, and threats of consequences actually serve to keep your child (and thus you) awake longer. It is hard to sleep when you have a child repeatedly walking into your room or crying in his room. In addition to the things that really work to get your child asleep more quickly and easily (see advice below), I have also had to learn the lesson of acceptance.

Some kids, just like some adults, can have trouble falling asleep some nights. Unfortunately, they don't plan ahead for the specific nights they will not sleep, so you can't set your sleep schedule around it. As a matter of fact, it seems like when I am the most sleep deprived, they are most likely to have trouble falling asleep. Coincidence? I don’t know. No matter what, when a person has insomnia, calmness and security is what they need. A good read on this topic is Sleepless in America by Mary Sheedy Kuchinka.

In addition, I have a little advice:
1. Sleep when you can, even if your house is dirty.
2. Don’t obsess about sleep. If you can get two 4 hour shifts in during one day, you’re good to go.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your neighbor, friend, or relative will probably be willing to trade favors so you can get some shut eye.
4. Remember that eventually almost all children do sleep through the night. Don’t fall into self blame when that smart aleck neighbor tells you that all 16 of her children slept through the night at 4 weeks.


Sleep patterns are mostly a result of biology. The rest is due to good sleep hygiene. What the heck is that, you might ask.

Here‘s your answer. Sleep hygiene rules dictate that you should:

• Put your child (or yourself) to bed every night at the same time.


• Put your child (or yourself) to sleep at night following the same routine every night.


• I know it's hard but try to put your baby down into their crib just BEFORE they fall asleep (that way they get used to falling asleep on their own without being held).


• If they wake up – respond but don’t be too exciting or fun. Same goes for you. If you wake up, do something boring then wait till you get tired and go to bed again.


• Make your daily routine just that - routine.


• Don’t eat right before bed. This DOES NOT apply to the baby, who has to eat (nurse or drink a bottle) before bed.


• Don’t watch TV or stare at a screen of any kind for the hour before you go to bed. Don’t let your kids do it either.· Make the last hour of your day relaxing and mellow. Reading is good.


• Be aware that we all have sleep cycles of about 4 hours so everyone wakes up just a bit every 4 hours. Babies might fuss a little and then go back to sleep on their own. We adults may toss and turn for a few minutes then fall back to sleep.
  


• Even if nothing works with your children now, don’t despair. I am glad to report that 12 years later, both our kids are sleeping like babies.